oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
