This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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