You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
