8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize