I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
