i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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