have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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