Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
