its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
