I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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