Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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