are you still at the devil's house?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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