you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
