brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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