you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
