I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
