I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
