Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
