I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
