hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
