How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
