I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
