I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
