I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
