Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
