I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
