his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
