The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
