What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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