Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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