I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
