apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
