Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
