If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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