I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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