I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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