I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
