I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
