Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
