Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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