Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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