i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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