The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
