Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
