Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
