she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
