Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
