yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
