Small penises have feelings too.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
