Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
