all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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