i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
