im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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